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‘How I Met Your Mother’ finale: Oh my God, that totally happened!

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Wow, who expected Ted to give the mother of his children a Dirty Sanchez on national broadcast television during the series finale of “How I Met Your Mother”?

And, in fact, that isn't what happened. So, expectations met!

But, at any rate, here's what actually happened during the series finale of “How I Met Your Mother.” (Spoiler alert: If you're reading this and not expecting spoilers, you're literally too stupid to live. Stop reading now before you can complain in the comments section that there were spoilers.)

Ted Meets the Mother: As it turns out, she's the bass player in the band playing at Barnie and Robin's wedding. A girl bass player? Such a '90s cliche. And truth be told, it threw the whole timeline off. Unless Ted and the mother in the '90s and then — Oh, my god, we're though the looking glass here, people …

See video: ‘How I Met Your Mother': 6 Standout Moments From the Series

Barney and Robin Get Divorced: Yeah, that happened. But, as Barney puts it, “This isn't a failed marriage, it's a successful marriage that only lasted three years.” Way to look on the bright side, bro! Also, he got another woman pregnant. Beh-behs! An instant tear-jerker.

Robin Scherbatsky Is Famous, Yo: And distant because of it. As described in a scene featuring a young girl and an ad on the side of the bus — which, as we all know, is the true measure of fame. But she does show up for the wedding between Ted and the mother, despite the fact that she RSVP'd no which is just tacky.

Ted Mosby Does Not Rush Into Marriage: Ted and the mom tie the knot after seven years and two kids. Way to take your time and get it right, Ted.

See photos: ‘How I Met Your Mother’ Finale: What the CBS Series Meant for Its Stars’ Careers

The Mother's Gone, But Did She Die? The finale made reference to a time when the mom got sick — complete with a scene with them in a hospital room — referencing a recent episode where it was theorized that the mother passed. The episode doesn't make it completely clear whether the mother died, but at the end the daughter does say, “Mom's been gone for six years,” clearing a path for him to make a play for “Aunt Robin.” Which he does, in semi-”Say Anything” style.

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