Sports on TV does the trick

Talk about it

I’ve always considered the television to be one of the greatest inventions of all time.

In the grand scheme of things, of course, there are electronic devices of much greater significance, but as a sports aficionado, without the tube, I’m not sure what I’d do.

Never am I more appreciative of the TV than after I go to a Minnesota professional sporting event, whether it be the Twins, Vikings, Wolves, Wild or even the Gophers.

I’ve always contended that there is no more intolerable and uninformed fan than that of the Vikings, Twins, Wolves or Wild. I don’t like to use blanket generalizations, because of course there are knowledgeable Minnesota sports fans, just not very many.

Take Monday’s TV broadcast of the Twins/Red Sox game at Target Field, which better be the greatest diamond in the history of the sport with the way people are talking and writing about it.

I’ve seen the exterior of the place, but have not been inside yet. I plan on taking in a game or two this summer, but I will have my headphones with me.

Maybe it’s the fact that I grow crankier with every passing year, but going to Twins games is becoming increasingly intolerable. As for the Vikings, I’ve quit entirely. I find going to the Metrodome for a game absolutely miserable. Regardless of where I’ve sat, the people are loud, drunk and a terrifyingly high number of them are wearing body paint. Adults wearing paint? Only clowns do that, and I have a healthy fear of any human being willing to dress up like a clown.

Anyways, if I’m going to shell out the kind of money these greedy owners want for a seat these days, I want to WATCH the game. I don’t want to hear mind-numbing chatter about someone else’s life when the game is going on. These people could do that at home. Why bring it to the game? Isn’t part of the reason for going to a game to get your mind off real life?

A couple years back I went to an NCAA basketball regional final (Sweet 16) at the Metrodome — the year Florida won their first national title. The people I was randomly punished to sit next to never stopped talking. Never! Their jaws had to have been absolutely throbbing at the completion of the 5-hour event and hardly a second of it had anything to do with the game of basketball.

Had I been a few years younger, there may have been a physical confrontation in the concourse of the Metrodome after the final game — these people were that obnoxious.

It’s for that reason why I’ve considered waiting a year or 2 to take in a game at Target Field. I’ve often said that I didn’t mind it back in the days when the Twins were awful because the Metrodome was essentially empty. You could move about the building freely and sit almost anywhere you wanted and would not be annoyed by other people’s racket.

At least for this year, the simple-minded Twins fan is going to be like a baby with a shiny wrapper. They’ll be talking like jabber boxes and moving around relentlessly to see all the new stuff to the point where the game will be secondary — which is all the more pointless because the Twins are pretty good this year.

Which brings me back to Monday’s game.

How many times did you hear, “The first whatever at Target Field?” Too many, but that’s just the Minnesota way. It’s new, moderately clever and keeps the modern, dingy Twins fan geeked up to head out to Target Field to buy a $12 hamburger and $5 soda pop — prices which should be illegal, but this is America, where you can charge any amount for anything and get away with it.

To each their own, I guess. I’ll pass for now, and instead lounge in my oversized Lazy Boy, watching the Twins in HD, enjoying some peace and quiet.

Sun sports editor Dave Selvig can be reached at (701) 952-8460 or by e-mail at daves@jamestownsun.com

Tags: sports, twins, vikings, wild, gophers, minnesota, television, tv, target, metrodome