Trust teenagers to make the right decisions

The teenage years are times when adolescents want to explore their freedom, stretch the limits and see how independent they can be. For parents, this can be a very difficult time. It can be hard to trust your children to do the right thing and make the right choices, and letting teenagers have more independence can be challenging, stressful and worrisome. One important way to reduce stress and give your teenager an appropriate amount of independence to learn responsibility is to have open and active communication with your teens.

In order to have successful communication, there needs to be an atmosphere of trust. Teenagers need to be able to trust their parents, and the parents need to be able to trust their teenagers while also communicating that trust to them. With this trust, family members will feel more comfortable expressing things freely to each other. By developing and using good communication skills, some of the more sensitive issues that teenagers face can be talked about with more ease and more success.

Effective communication includes both listening and speaking. Listed below are some guidelines that can be helpful when trying to communicate effectively.

* Ask your teenagers questions about what they are talking about. This will help you to get a better idea of what your teenagers are talking about. It will also let them know that you were listening and you care about what they are saying. Also, check for understanding by rephrasing what you have heard so far.

* Try to hold back on giving advice or telling your teenagers what they should do. Many times, they do not want to be told what to do and may resent the advice. As teenagers are seeking out more independence, they may want figure out their problem for themselves. Instead of forcing your opinion or solution on them, wait for them to ask for your advice. If they don’t ask for it, ask them if they would want your advice. If they don’t, the best thing to do is be supportive in helping them make their own decisions.

* Think before you speak. Many times people feel the need to respond right away, but it is not necessary — especially if the discussion is running on high emotions. It can be beneficial to take a time out to calm yourself down before returning to the conversation.

Using these techniques can help you to openly and actively communicate with your teenagers. If they do not work the first couple of times, do not get discouraged. Practice makes perfect, and this new way of communicating may take some getting used to for both you and your teenagers.

For more information on this topic, contact Christina Rittenbach, Stutsman County Extension Agent-in-Training, at 252-9030 or Christina. Masich@n dsu.edu

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