Nurtured Heart Approach: Seminar offers ways to deal with a difficult or intense child

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For those struggling to deal with a difficult or intense child, the Nurtured Heart Approach may offer some solutions to help both adults and kids, difficult and compliant alike.

“I went through the program with my kids,” said parent Myra Quanrud. “It was great. The thing I like best about it is — you stop yelling.”

North Dakota State University’s Extension Service is bringing a seminar about the social-emotional strategy to Jamestown, from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. Saturday at Trinity Lutheran Church in Jamestown.

The $59 cost of registration includes a copy of the book, “Transforming the Difficult Child,” by Howard Glasser, who devised the Nurtured Heart Approach.

According to Tanya Fraizer, the certified Nurtured Heart Approach advanced trainer who will be presenting the method in Jamestown Saturday, the approach rests on three basic pillars:

* being intentional about where your emotional energy flows.

* being intentional about giving that energy to the right things, celebrating successes small and large.

* being clear about expectations and boundaries.

“This is great for all kids,” Quanrud said.

“I by no means consider my children at home to be difficult children, but there are difficult moments,” said Mike Romans, who teaches special education at Gussner Elementary School. “… it works best with any kid.”

It can work with adults, too, said Fraizer, who uses Nurtured Heart with family and strangers too.

The strategy involves recognition that intensity isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

“Intensity is a brilliant thing, and if you look at people who are successful in the world … all of them are intense,” Fraizer said. “They’re just intense in different ways. We work to … really help kids realize that there’s ways to use that life force in ways that are socially acceptable.”

The approach isn’t about “fixing” a child, but instead focuses on enhancing the relationship between the adult and the child, and deliberately using positive reinforcement and positive energy.

Negative behavior is met by a video-game-like “reset,” a time-out break that lets kids de-escalate their behavior.

Positive behavior is met with specific, genuine and truthful praise.

That takes a lot of energy from a parent at first, Quanrud said, but eventually, when the adult creates more positives he or she gets more positives back from the child, too.

“If you’re going to expend a lot of effort, I’d like to do it in a positive way, rather than a negative way,” Quanrud said.

The Nurtured Hearts Approach accentuates the positive and doesn’t give attention to the negative, Romans said. That’s because usually kids misbehave in order to get attention in the first place, and if they don’t get what they want they will change their behavior.

And the emphasis on the positive does seem to work, Romans said.

“Everybody likes to feel good, no matter what. Every behavior has a reason, it has some satisfaction with it,” he added.

Saturday’s seminar will provide a basic introduction to the Nurtured Heart Approach, with video, humor and a broad-based approach.

Participants should register by Friday by calling 701-845-8528. Checks payable to Barnes County Extension — PRC can be sent to Barnes County Extension Service, 230 Fourth St. NW, #204, Valley City, ND.

Sun reporter Kari Lucin can be

reached at 701-952-8453

or by email at klucin@jamestownsun.com

Tags: news, family