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What glorifying? Everything in ‘Wolf of Wall Street’ you’d never, ever want to do


Are people still mad at Martin Scorsese and Leonardo DiCaprio for making “The Wolf of Wall Street” without pounding disapproval for Jordan Belfort into audiences’ heads?

As TheWrap‘s film critic Alonso Duralde pointed out earlier this week, Scorsese’s adaptation of Belfort’s memoir of the same name ignited an online war between the film’s admirers and critics — the latter of which worry the film celebrates Belfort’s despicable behavior.

See photos: ‘Wolf of Wall Street’ Backlash: 10 Other Movies That Made Crime Seem Cool

But what is “glorifying greed and psychopathic behavior,” as Christina McDowell — the daughter of a stockbroker who went to jail because of Belfort’s testimony — wrote in a scathing open letter for L.A. Weekly? The seemingly endless amount of greed and psychopathic behavior is certainly amusing — but who’s pining to participate?

Here’s a look back at everything Belfort does do in “The Wolf of Wall Street” that no one of sound mind would never, ever want to do:

– Become addicted to drugs (especially to the expensive drugs, like cocaine).

– Have to ingest a complicated daily regiment of illegal drugs just to make it through the day.

– Suffer near paralysis after ingesting a few too many Quaaludes (pictured right).

– Destroy a Lamborghini during previously mentioned experience with Quaaludes.

– Be BFF’s with a moronic loser who married his cousin (a character played to sleazy perfection by Jonah Hill).

– Associate with any of the idiotic employees depicted in the entire movie.

– Marry the most beautiful girl ever, treat her like garbage, and ultimately drive her to divorce.

– Crash a car, in your own driveway — with my young daughter in the front seat.

– Lose custody of said daughter shortly after putting her life in danger, effectively ruining one of the most meaningful relationships a man could have in his life.

– Destroy a multi-million dollar yacht, and put your own life — as well as your wife’s — in danger while trying to save the only thing that matters to you in life: Money.

– Allow money to be the only thing that matters in life.

– Waste money on hookers.

– Have sex with said hookers without condoms.

– Blow cocaine into and/or out of a hooker’s booty.

– Go any where near a hooker’s booty.

– Fly a helicopter under the influence.

– Nearly crash said helicopter while flying it under the influence.

– Smoke crack.

– Spend $2 million on one weekend in Las Vegas.

– Be investigated by the FBI.

– Be arrested by the FBI.

– Put employees in a position where they too can be arrested by the FBI.

– Get indicted for securities fraud and money laundering.

– Go to prison.

– Help the authorities send friends to prison.

*I would, however, be open to having a monkey visit the office occasionally.